My daughter is a basket case today. She is preparing for her 2^nd Dan test in TaeKwon-Do this evening.  The test is difficult, but certainly not impossible. It is something that she has been focusing on and preparing for in earnest for the last six months… or nine years depending on your point of view. Nothing is left for her to do except test.  

She finds little comfort in knowing that there are only two possible outcomes; she will either pass or she will fail. In the absolute worst case scenario she may be required to retest again in six months. Nothing can possibly be lost but a small amount of time and a stripe on a belt.  She can’t see that the outcome of the test does not define her as a person or as a martial artist. It is simply an artificially created road block and a marker on her journey. 

In a way, her trepidation mimics the way many of us spend our lives.  We fear difficult times we know will come and focus on the things we want to achieve. We try to control every facet of our lives to produce specific outcomes. It doesn’t matter if it is a job, a relationship, or a goal. We must reach it ‘our way’ and in ‘our time’ at all costs.

The humorous part of the problem is we rarely can control any of it. Think about that last promotion you had to have. You worked for it and put in all the extra hours you the boss wanted. In the end, it still wasn’t your choice. It was up to someone else to decide if you could be the head Umpa Lumpa at the chocolate factory.  What about that amazing girl (guy) you knew you just couldn’t live without. From the minute you saw them they were center of your life; the problem is they didn’t feel the same way about you.  (Yes, Marge married Homer and moved away, but they ended up with rotten kids.) 

Whether or not we get our dream job or have a relationship with a particular yellow, three fingered person isn’t really important in the end. Nor is winning a trophy at a martial arts tournament or getting that next black belt.  We (as people) generally tend to spend too much time looking at the roadblocks and markers in our lives when we should be focusing on the journey. 

We have all been given a wonderful gift. Instead of measuring our successes and failures from the outside, we need to look inward.  Have we been the person we should be? Have we helped where we could? Did we make a difference in someone else’s life when it was within our power? Did we speak out even when it was hard? Did we take the path less traveled? In the end all we have to measure ourselves is ourselves.